"No. There's no help for it. But you can console me, if you please."

"Pardon?"

"No, I don't need to be pardoned. Console me."

"Very well. Here, have a cuttlefish."

"No no, that's plying me! Please console me."

"Oh, right, of course. So. There I was, smack dab in the very eye of the hurricane with nary a kopek to my name, clutching my penis for fear of it blowing off when suddenly a trolley car..."

"Um, no. I think that you're regaling me, not consoling me."

"Oh. Gee, I wish I knew what to say, but I'm afraid I'm at a loss."

"But that's just it, don't you see? I'm at a loss! Oh me, such loss. Such pain. Such grief. Nothing will ever be the same again. I am a bereft and sorrowful creature."

"Oh, how sad! There there, it's not so bad, everything will be all right."

"Yes! That's it!"

"That's it? I got it right?"

"Yes! Oh more, please!"